he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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