just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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