lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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