i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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