He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
