Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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