i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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