just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
