Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
