I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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