Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
not ubering you a puppy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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