Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
