I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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