Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
