I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
