I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
accomplished twins. life is a go
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
