Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
