I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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