At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
