My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
