Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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