How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
