Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.