Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?