Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

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  (757): my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers http://tfl.nu/1x7e
  Replies (24) Good night (839) Bad night (5690)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

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  (772): I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die. http://tfl.nu/szbq
  Replies (26) Good night (958) Bad night (3917)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".

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  (773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy". http://tfl.nu/lu2f
  Replies (47) Good night (1469) Bad night (6537)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

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  (250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/xxvi
  Replies (39) Good night (11969) Bad night (1485)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

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  (717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf
  Replies (10) Good night (5148) Bad night (989)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.

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  (815): sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/z8wo
  Replies (6) Good night (2013) Bad night (1126)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

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  (845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs
  Replies (4) Good night (2500) Bad night (649)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam

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  (702): Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam http://tfl.nu/lqc4
  Replies (5) Good night (2075) Bad night (703)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well

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  (773): Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well http://tfl.nu/o41u
  Replies (4) Good night (621) Bad night (1289)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.

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  (727): I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy. http://tfl.nu/oiln
  Replies (8) Good night (3234) Bad night (814)
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  (707): View more from California

  you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?

  (1-707): View more from California

  yeah, you wanna come?

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  (707): you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store? (1-707): yeah, you wanna come? http://tfl.nu/465p
  Replies (9) Good night (1784) Bad night (719)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."

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  (541): So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here." http://tfl.nu/zbul
  Replies (5) Good night (1972) Bad night (510)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party

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  (773): Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party http://tfl.nu/w5qe
  Replies (2) Good night (764) Bad night (451)
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  (845): View more from New York

  All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.

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  (845): All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along. http://tfl.nu/lu02
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (172)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement

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  (631): I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement http://tfl.nu/k8oi
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (395)

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