walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen