I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
