Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.