I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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