Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
