you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
