I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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