he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
