omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize