I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
