he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
