I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
