Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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