How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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