did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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