I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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