Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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