So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
