the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
