Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
