My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
