If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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