Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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