I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
