you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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