if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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