I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
