please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
