writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
