Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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