She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
