He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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