I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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