I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
