I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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