Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
