In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
