that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
