i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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