I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you never un-have a 4some
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
