She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
