guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
