next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize