When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
