We're facebook friends in real life
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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