I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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