As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
