Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of course I have a pirate flag
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
