i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
