I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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