If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
